Monday, September 15, 2008

Tough Day Today

I try to keep my blog very light (after all, I'm HAPPY Wife, not Anxiety-Ridden Wife...) but today was a tough day.

You guys know I don't blog a whole lot about my kids, and that is on purpose. I feel they're definitely entitled to a certain measure of privacy and one day they might be like "Mom - I can't believe you told the whole WORLD about such-and-such!" So, the things I share about them here are few and far between, and usually fairly innocuous.

BUT today was tough.
J, my wonderful firstborn son, who has had SO many struggles in his life that he has overcome (most of which I have not shared - nor will I do so) came home today with his first progress report from middle school. It was awful. I knew how bad it was going to be by the way he was walking home from the bus stop.... head down, looking..... DEFEATED.

And it was BAD. 1 D and 4 F's. BAD.
Now if my son were the class clown, or goofed off, or didn't try, it would be one thing. But none of those are true. He comes home and works on homework for 2 and sometimes 3 hours a night. (In 6th frikking grade.... WHY someone even NEEDS to work that hard in 6th grade is beyond me....)

(I'm upset, if you have't already sensed it.)

I just shook my head in stunned silence as I was reading his progress report. I was speechless.
J didn't say a word, and went upstairs.
After I talked to Hubster about it (who was equally stunned), I went to find J.
He was in his room, crying. (He never cries.)
Of course, that made ME cry.

I've asked the school for a meeting, as soon as possible, to see what the options are. (Clearly, I need to stop the 'bleeding'... after all, he's trying as hard as he can, and it's just not enough... what in the world can be more depressing than that to a kid?!)

Like I said, tough day today.

All I can do now is pray. And pray. And pray.


Rebeckah said...

Oh my gosh. This story makes me so sad. 2 hours a night is a LOT of homework for a 6th grader. A LOT! I hope your meeting will be productive. If the school sees how much he is struggling they should propose some changes. I am sure you are encouraging him and making sure he knows that his worth doesn't come from grades. Poor baby. I will pray for him tonight.

Suz said...

oh, this breaks my heart. I am sad for him. Such a good kid. He HAS overcome so many obstacles in life already.
I have no advice what so ever. really. I wish I had some genius idea, but I am at a loss.
This does remind me though, of my good friend Dawn. She also has a sweet boy that has tried and did his best and still had struggles in school. Perhaps you can chat w/ her and she may have some good ideas.
I will add J to my prayer list.

Sugar said...

All kids learn in different ways. They also have brains that are still developing, too. We always forget that. Sometimes, they just aren't ready to be where they are. Luckily, there are lots of options for you guys. When you have that meeting, if you don't already have one, ask for an IEP. He may qualify for all kinds of help and testing that will help you guys figure out how best to teach him. If he's really truly trying, there has to be a physical reason behind his frustration.

My seventeen year old has had tons of developmental issues with school, too. It's frustrating because you want them to do well, but I have to remember that college isn't for everyone. She wants to be a nurse... last I checked... and that is still possible. Finding the spark in your kid is just as important as helping them with homework.

So, you can't be happy all the time? Of course not, dear! That would make you some kind of freak!

Louise said...

If I could hug you I would. Here's a virtual *hug.* I can't imagine. You're in my prayers.

And be tough with the school. If they don't offer solutions, offer them for them and MAKE THEM AGREE TO SOMETHING. I only know this from reading other blogs where people have trouble with that kind of thing. I hope you don't, but don't back down. Your child can't be in 6th grade feeling this horrible about school.

karengberger said...

It is so hard to bear, when our sweet kids are hurting. You are a good mother, you love him, you cried with him and showed solidarity with his pain. You are also taking steps to help him find out what's up, and what can be done to make things better. These are votes of confidence in him, and he will learn from this...not defeat, but resourcefulness, and how much he is loved.
God bless each one of you.

KingdomWriter said...

So sorry to hear about your emotional day, nothing is harder for a mum than when her kids are hurting, it cuts to the bone.
However, tomorrow is another day, no-one has died, the sun will still shine and your children will still be beautiful, healthy and strong.
I am praying for you and your family tonight.

Dawn said...

Ohhhhh....... I feel your pain so deeply. My son, likes yours, works so hard. SO hard. It has broken my heart to see the result that his effort brings. Average, at best. We made some serious strides last year- you wanna chat? For now, I will pray- for you, who feels this burden in your heart, and for him, who I'm sure feels like he's not good enough. I pray that you can just let him know that you are on his side, adn those letters on a progress report don't define him... don't even matter to you... can't matter, when you see the work he is putting in. Hold on...

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

You guys are so wonderful - I feel so lucky to have such sweet support (from all over the WORLD!) and only ONE of you I've ever even MET!

Wow. That's really cool! :-)

This morning I feel much better. Last night I prayed (and cried) to God and he heard my prayer and I woke up this morning with PEACE and HOPE (yay!)

I have already heard back from the school...we're shooting for a meeting late this week/early next week.

Pink Ink said...

I'm so sorry. That's a tough one. Hope you and your little guy pull out of it.

Boquinha said...

Oh, so sorry! That sounds so difficult. Explore all options and do the best you can. Don't rule out anything, no matter how crazy it might sound--it might be the ticket! Is homeschooling an option if the school's options are no good? Poor kid. And such a vulnerable age for that, too.

Don't worry about not being happy all the time--it's okay for us to know you're normal! :P