Saturday, July 19, 2008

Cure For a Grouchy Husband?

Hubster is in a funk.... And no, not funky like my Playlist.... (THAT would be a FUN kind of funk.)
Although the above is not a photo of him, he definitely has that same "vibe" going on....

Hubster is about to turn 45 next month and I think he's going through middle-age funk.
He has always been VERY young at heart and I think he's finally realizing that YES, he really IS middle aged now. And it's just not sitting well.

Any suggestions on how to get a soon-to-be 45 year old, frowning husband out of his funk?
And get him to see the joy and beauty in life?

(I realize, of course, the "obvious" suggestion that will spring to mind, but I'm looking for something a little more deep and contemplative please.....) :-)

Thanks, blogger buddies.... :-)


suz said...

This is a shame...I don't have any ideas aside from the obvious. That is just a quick need something deeper.
I will think on this one...If I come up with something, I will let you know.
Just keep him away from sports cars.
And 45 is YOUNG.
Just ask my Grandma, she is 95!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Thanks, girl. It's so RARE that he gets this way.... and then he has that whole "man" thing (you know... they go into caveman-mode, and don't want to talk about it.... like we women would want to). I just want to be able to do whatever I can to make him happy.

I'm sure the storm clouds will pass....

Deron Arnold said...

Hi HappyWife. Sorry to hear about Hubster.

I went through the funk at age 30. And I had a second one at age 34 just before my health crashed. It was so bad that I despaired even of life.

Yeah, it's a little different for a guy...we can't let our emotions surface--that would be the worst!

Funny, that now I'm so sick, I'm also happier than I've been in almost 8 years.

For me, recognizing God's sovereignty in all aspects of our lives and staying strongly rooted in the Word have been my best helps.

It also helps to have diversions like kids and friends and humor (and pets). And to remember that all funks are like sine waves...what goes down will eventually come up.

Ruahines said...

Kia ora HWHL,
I understand the issue. I turn 48 next week and for me turning 40 was a fairly rough time. I decided one thing I could do is up my interaction with the mountains, and at age 40, joined by Gustav, I went out amongst them for a week. We both came back very changed in our outlooks. Every year since I have returned around my birthday, sometimes alone, sometimes joined by special people in my life. As I write this my pack sits loaded and heavy, waiting for Tuesday morning. It has become a time I renew myself, inside and out, a time I step away from all the things out here and realize how little I need out here really, how blessed I am, and how lucky to have my little family waiting for me to return.
I guess I am writing I found myself again through nature, being part of the process. It could be any interaction with the wild, not just mountains, but rather any part that might light up our souls.
Best of luck HWHL, and these things are usually very temporary. Kia ora!

dons_mind said...

tell hubby that i've got him beat by a goodly number of years (12!!!) and to not worry about - that old saying about being as young as you feel is pretty true....besides you know the best cure for a male funk, don't ya?!! wink wink, nudge nudge know what i mean......... lol lol

Laurie Keller said...

10 mg Celexa every morning with a great cup of coffee. And if that's not an option, are you making time for him and him alone ? Ron was feeding the kits this morning and when they all gathered I heard him say, "There's my little family"! I thought how sweet that was and went back to my laptop, then decided to go tell him how sweet I thought it was. I'm glad I made the effort. I could tell it meant a lot to him.

Sugar said...

I'm hung over with happiness sitting in San Francisco and I just needed to check in with my HWHL.

Okay... what Suz says about "the obvious" is obvious because that's usually a great start. Why? Because HE'S A GUY! Sometimes they just want to know that they are still the strong young man they once were. They also want to know that they are our heroes. But not too much because then you head down a slippery slope of carrying his burden. He needs your love and affection, but whatever he needs to get straight inside, he'll have to do alone. Asking what he needs won't help either. It's likely that he doesn't know yet. Quiet and Time are all you can offer so that he can think and sit with his feelings. Don't TELL him to sit with his feelings. The male species doesn't do well with that kind of female talk. I don't know exactly what your Hubster needs. All I know for sure is you can't fix it for him... says the Recovering Codependent.


HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Awwww. You guys are really the best. Today has been a really rough day.... I can practically SEE the storm clouds following him around the house, the backyard, everything. He's just BROODING. And of course I made the "woman mistake" and said "Can we please just talk about this?" He just glared at me and stormed out.


Anyway, thanks guys for your thoughts, wisdom, humor, etc. I truly am touched (and am even misting up a little as I write this...) I feel so fortunate to have such great friends - both here in Atlanta and now, all over the whole wide world. :-)

Anonymous said...

MY DH will be 45 next month! Too funny!

Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat as you, so when you figure it out, let me know!

Smileygirl said...

taking up a new sport/hobby? maybe even yoga or something that will provide an internal balance? What about having him start his own blog? (i know that's prob out of the question).

I guess it's safe to say that we'll all go through these moments in life. He's not alone in how he feels and if he's feeling old or older, let him know that everyone will be in his very shoes at some point in their lives as well. Doesn't make it easier while he's going through it but at least he's not feeling so alone. Too bad no one's invented a working time machine.

Louise said...

"The Obvious" always works for me! Sometimes I like to be a little creative with it, but it works.

I don't know anything about him, but my best advice is to think of what would make him feel unbelievably attractive, sexy and loved. Do what it takes for that.

I came here from Rocky Mtn. Retreat because of your blog name. It is MY husband's mantra!

KingdomWriter said...

Just leave him alone. There is nothing you can do to change what he is going through and what he needs to figure out. He is a man after all. He doesn't need anything that you may think that he needs (i.e. talking, understanding, etc) Best thing to do, feed his ego. Smile, be yourself, don't feed his issue (and this is hard, believe me). He will be ok, they always snap out of it. And if you just leave him alone with it, he will thank you after, crawl out of his cave and be the same loving hubby as ever, probably even better! : )
I always made the mistake of giving my hubby the right books, a card etc, all the things I would like when I'm 'going through stuff' but it never worked. Going on with normal life, almost ignoring him, worked really good!

Anne hearts Jackie said...

as Cher's character in Moonstruck said so succintly, tell him to "SNAP OUT OF IT!" (ok, I know Cher's character was talking about love...but at this point in the game, it's all the same frankly)

or...get him a bike!

Deron Arnold said...

In reply to aging my grandma always said "It's better than the alternative."

Maybe a nice new Harley would kick him out of it.

Anne hearts Jackie said...

oh wait..I just realized you wanted something contemplative. So let me add to that: get him a bike and map out a very long, scenic ride where he can just ride and think. Pack him a nice lunch and a few verses for reading.
hmm...actually, that sounds fabulous...maybe I will do that for myself!